LeFou: Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here’d love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There’s no man in town as admired as you
You’re everyone’s favorite guy
Everyone’s awed and inspired by you
And it’s not very hard to see why!
No one’s slick as Gaston
No one’s quick as Gaston
No one’s neck’s as incredibly thick as Gaston’s
For there’s no man in town half as manly!
Village Lasses: Perfect, a pure paragon!
LeFou: You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
LeFou and Chorus: Who plays darts like Gaston
Who breaks hearts like Gaston
LeFou: Who’s much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?
Gaston: As a specimen, yes, I’m intimidating!
LeFou and Chorus: My what a guy, that Gaston!
Gaston: I needed encouragement--thank you, LeFou!
LeFou: Well, there’s no one as easy to bolster as you! …Too much?
Chorus: No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
LeFou: In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
Gaston: When I hunt I sneak up with my quiver
And beasts of the field say a prayer
First I carefully aim for the liver
Then I shoot from behind
LeFou: Is that fair?
Gaston: I don’t care.
Chorus: No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou: In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston: I’m especially good at expectorating! *spits*
Chorus: Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston: When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev’ry morning to help me get large
And now that I’m grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I’m roughly the size of a barge!
LeFou and Chorus: Who has brains like Gaston
Entertains like Gaston
Gaston: Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston?
I use antlers in all of my decorating
Chorus: Say it again!
Who’s a man among men?
Who’s a super success?
Don’t you know? Can’t you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There’s just one guy in town
Who’s got all of it down…
LeFou: And his name’s G-A-S… T…
I believe there’s another T…
It just occurred to me that I’m illiterate and I’ve never actually had to spell it out loud before…